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Tim Vine Jokes - the King of One Liners
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Stop Press: A new Tim Vine blog post has been written since this article was published!
Tim Vine is a good comedian - his jokes are simple, funny, and sometimes irritating! I was bought his new DVD last week, and, like the first - it is jam packed full of well crafted one-liners, belly-laughable jokes, and the odd cringeworthy moment too.
I’ve always been a fan of his due to the fact that he doesn’t need to resort to slagging people off, swearing, or being controversial in order to get the crowd going. On the contrary, you could take your ten year old nephew to watch him - and you wouldn’t feel weird at laughing at the same stuff.
A zany example of some of the jokes he comes out with includes the moment where he holds a sign that says “7 Days” half way down his legs, and then exlclaims: “Look at that… weak at the knees!”
Anyhow, I’ve posted a few more of his newest one-liners here…
So I saw this Scotsman and I asked him if he had spots when he was younger. He replied “Achh-neeee”.
One arm butlers - they can take it but they can’t dish it out…
Beware of Alphabet Grenades… if you throw them, it could spell disaster!
My mate said to me: “Can you tell me what you call someone who comes from Corsica?” I said: “Cors-i-can”!
When it comes to cosmetic surgery… a lot of people turn their noses up.
I used go out with an anesthetist - she was a local girl…
I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrotts with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!
I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in the window that said “Television for Sale - £1- Volume Stuck On Full”. I thought: “I can’t turn that down”.
A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!
So I went to the record shop and I said “What have you got by The Doors?” He said: “A bucket of sand and a fire blanket!”
Funny…. or frustrating? Comments welcome!!
about the author
This article was written by Sam Davis on November 4, 2008.
Computing over a glass of Grenache Shiraz... again! Sam encourages you to make money by writing articles for us! Learn More |
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[...] in “Tim Vine jokes” or “Tim Vine one-liners” - well, I provided a load of Tim Vine’s new material on a recent blog post - but, due to popular demand, I’m going to provide a few more of these [...]